The Decision That Ended A Life

Trust me, I've gone back and forth about writing this post a million times... Over and over again in my mind, whether or not it's the right thing to do. But then I realized it's not about what's right for me, it's about what's right for you, you who are reading this now. You might need this. To know that you are forgiven if you'll just ask for it. To know that Christ gives us strength in our weaknesses, no matter what they are. Or you might need to read this so that you will be able to forgive someone kind of like me.

I do want to make it clear though, despite my youthful actions, I absolutely do not stand for abortion. I pray God will have mercy on those who do. 

I know the repercussions of writing something like this. It's very controversial, and a very intense and touchy subject. Especially now. I know a lot of you will judge me. I know I'll be called a hypocrite or worse. I know women who have been through the same situation and are content with their choice, will criticize me.

However, aside from all the possible backlash, this is MINE. This is my story and my choice to write it out for you. No one can take it away from me. No one can change it.

I know God has forgiven me, and I have finally forgiven myself and repented and will never turn back. This is not me trying to reopen old wounds, this is me telling you that there is hope in The Lord. There is hope that you will be able to lift up your head again. To let the innocence of the lamb that was slain for us, lead you to the boldness of the lion again.

You do not have to stay hidden or silent about your beliefs because of your past.

I want to give you some Bible verses to keep in mind while pushing through this with me:

“This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” -Romans 3:22-24

“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.” -1 John 1:8-10

_____________________________

This young woman got very lost in the world. On one of my very first nights of being in college and having an apartment with my roommate, we went to a party. It was right before my 19th birthday, almost 7 years ago. There was alcohol. So much so it's kind of a blur to me. I think you get the picture though. I was in a new town ready for a fresh start... and I ended up pregnant. I didn't have anyone to reel me back in. My mind wasn't set on Christ at the time, though I've always believed in God. But I didn't have anything that I really stood for. There were no lines. I got so angry after I found out. I always thought God had big plans for my life. I felt it deep down in my soul that I had been called for something great, but this, this was not what I expected. So out of anger about the whole situation, I acted unacceptably. I was mad, scared, sad and alone. Disappointed in myself. But mostly I let anger take over my mind. It was sort of a numbing effect to everything going on. I ended up making the worst decision of my entire life, to have an abortion.

There will be women who tell you they are content with their choice to do this, I don't buy it. They are hiding behind a delusional society who is telling them they are free to choose and that it will all be okay. That's the biggest lie. Let me tell you something, you will never be the same. We are all free to choose whether or not we murder someone, but we'll end up behind bars.

I knew in the back of my mind like we all do, it was wrong. I knew I should be punished. Punished with labor pains like Eve when she sinned. Punished with the pain of having to see what I had done, life that I chose to rip away. It was wrong. That wasn't my choice to make. I have to live with this decision for the rest of my life.

After I had Levi it hit me hard. I thought I had forgiven myself but I hadn't yet. It got harder for me to hold on to the pain. I would often find myself looking at Levi in awe and thinking, "What have I done?" 

But that's not who I am anymore. It doesn't have to consume you.
Jesus can heal you.
I once was lost but I've been found. 

This time it's a lot different though. More intimate, this is why I was created, to have a real relationship with Jesus. I never understood that until I came back to Him.

He leaves the ninety-nine to go after the one. And even though I acted out of His will, He still chooses to use me.
I am wired for battle, I am built for war.
And so are you.

This is not our decision to make. It is so wrong to choose whether or not we want ourselves or others to be able to end a life. Jesus doesn't preach that. Jesus died so that everyone could have life. There is no lukewarm, God says He will spit you out of His mouth; there is no one foot in and one foot out.

I know some will say they feel differently, have different beliefs, and try to throw a bunch of different scenarios out there, and I know I may fall under attack.
But just know that I've been there, I knew the whole time it felt wrong. Nothing about taking a life is right. I know some will think this is unorthodox and I shouldn't talk about it, but telling my story is worth it even if only one soul is touched by this. Even if only one woman feels comfort in knowing she's still loved and encouraged to become a child of God.
That's why I chose to write this. 
Because Jesus is saying to you, "You are forgiven."
Jesus is saying for you to, "Forgive because I forgave you." 

"Come back to me and follow my commands."


With Love,
Victoria V.



*Because this is such a controversial and personal subject, I won't be letting anyone post any comments on here or Facebook. Please just message me on Facebook if you feel you want to talk about anything. And please be kind with your words.

Choose Them & Disciple Them

As I was sitting down tonight to open my Bible and eat my little kitkat bar, after putting Levi to bed, I smiled to myself thinking about how much I love my beautiful baby. I can't get enough of him. Everything about him is precious, and pure and so innocent. And yet, throughout the day I continually find myself slipping away from him to do laundry, check social media, do dishes and sweep. It makes me feel so awful at the end of the day to think about all the moments that I let pass by, where I could've been setting all of that aside and making him laugh instead. Oh my goodness, his laugh... It consumes my heart. 

I know we all go through these mommy moments when we feel like we aren't enough for our children, or we don't do enough for our family sometimes. And especially giving God the time that He deserves from us. I've been feeling that a lot lately. Hence the reason why I've left the blog untouched. I'm definitely not one of those major multitasking moms that miraculously finds an immense amount of time to accomplish every goal in 24 hours with three kids and a job. Not me. Stay-at-home mom, one baby, and my day flies by in what seems like 10 minutes... Aside from all of that, the best part of my day is when I rock baby Levi to sleep. It's that one on one time, just me and him, singing songs that he hums along to with his sweet smile and cute baby voice. He is my angel. In those moments, it makes me feel a little better that I'm getting time to really love on him. I imagine that's how God feels on Sunday mornings, when He sees us praying and singing along, worshipping Him. Finally getting time to love on us from the crazy week, and He deserves way more than that. Our children also deserve more from us.

But there's something I read on a fellow mommy bloggers site, where she had a chalk board frame that she wrote in and it said, "Choose Them." She has it above the sink, where to be honest, we mommy's spend a lot of our time. So she can look up and remember that each moment is precious and to put down the dishes and Choose Your Children instead.

There's so much going on in the world today, so much violence and hate. It's so hard to think that our babies will one day be living in it too. As parents, we have the power and ability to choose our children, to teach them, guide them, and show them unconditional love. In the world today, it is absolutely crucial to make sure that our children know Jesus and His love for us. It is crucial that our children know how much we love them as well. Love them enough to throw the clothes in the basket and just go play legos. We have the ability to not only go out and make disciples of all nations, but to make disciples starting in our own home. Trust me, I am talking to myself as well. I just never want Levi to be in a situation where he will look at me with defeated eyes and say, "Where were you when I needed you?" I am not only his earthly mom, I am his sister in Christ. I was created to serve Jesus by serving him as well as everyone else. 

We also need to have the knowledge and therefore ability to explain the difference between friendship and fellowship to our children about who they choose to become close to in life as well. Of all the scriptures about Jesus eating and drinking with sinners, yes of course they are all true, but there wasn't a person who fellowshipped with Jesus that left unchanged. Even Judas Iscariot, one who seemed to be untouched by Jesus's teachings, in the end, he knew what he had done was very wrong, and ended up hanging himself.

The one person that I absolutely know is such a role model for this post is, of course, my mom. She's the real-life super woman. All of us girls are beautiful Christian women, and how she did it is a mystery to me. Actually that's a lie, I know how she did it. She's a prayer warrior. She has probably said millions and millions of prayers for all of us kids. She's been the best teacher I've ever had, which means she's been one of the best disciples of Christ. I want Levi to be able to say that about me too. 

Choose Them, Disciple Them, and love them with all your heart. Because bringing your own children to Christ is the best kind of witnessing you will ever do.

"But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."' -Luke 18:16


With Love,
Victoria V.

To Christians About Christians: The Word 'Negativity'

I've thought a lot about how I should word this post and how I should reflect love with these words I'm going to share. So I'm going to attempt to do my very best. So many Christians have chosen to close their ears to these issues that surround us and say that they don't care, and that we should choose love and acceptance over addressing the unbiblical. I just don't find that completely truthful.

I am just a Christian woman trying to do what God has called me to do with this blog. Staying silent and saying we don't care has gotten us where we are today, and there is too much at stake to keep that pattern. I hope that if you are reading this you will gain some understanding from my point of view.

I have read, heard, and seen a ton of Christians throw around the word negativity associated with trying to share knowledge about what God and the Bible asks of us in this season of so much defeat. I use the word defeat because I feel that's what's happening to us. A kind of "if you can't beat them join them" type of attitude; so no one will have anything bad to say about you or criticize you in any way. I never thought in my lifetime, a Christian would think Bible verses, or hearing from the Church and our Pastors, would be considered putting negativity in their life. That's very disheartening. It's almost as if some believe the term "Christian" has magically transformed into the term "Hippie." Instead of listening to a Pastor for instruction they'd rather stand for peace, love and everyone you meet is going to Heaven for being a good person. You can argue that it's not about Christianity or religion, that it's just about happiness and equal rights and that's what America is all about. However, that's not what was intended for this country at all. And if you are a Christian, shouldn't God and The Bible be what ultimately consumes your way of thinking and decision making process?

So let me ask this one question, why don't we care more about our brothers and sisters?

Instead we are crippling their walk.

We're crippling them by staying silent, we're crippling them by saying we shouldn't care about what people choose to do with their lives, we're crippling them by saying everyone deserves happiness and equal rights. We're crippling them by telling them not to say anything in fear of being called ignorant and intolerant, and to keep their mouths shut about these issues. Any way we try to argue it, we're still crippling them. And believe me there are people paying attention to the things you say.

"At one time it was good to have biblical morality, now it's bad, you're a prude. At one time it was good to believe in the Bible and stand with the Bible, now you're a bigot. Everything is absolutely reversed. The abnormal has now become normal and what used to make people ashamed now amuses them. An absolute turning of light and darkness." -Pastor John Lindell

The truth is though... above all of what anyone chooses to see in me or to call me, what I truly am is accountable. I am the one that will be held accountable in front of a Just, Holy, Almighty, and All-knowing God for letting my brothers and sisters play with fire. You will be held accountable as well.

I do feel that we need to humble ourselves and repent before we try to help anyone overcome any kind of tampering with sin. But at any cost, help them. Help them understand where we should stand in this nation right now, instead of causing confusion. Acknowledge that you know ALL sin that God diligently took the time to explain for us in His Word is wrong so someone else won't stumble.

"Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter." -Isaiah 5:20 NIV

"Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path." -Galatians 6:1

With love,
Victoria V.

A Letter To My Former Youth Ministers

I took a month off from writing to get a little break and reevaluate why I take writing so seriously. Then it dawned on me... I do this because of the people who had such a strong Godly impact on my life when I was growing up. When I was just a broken teenager without the presence of family, you became my family. You saw through the easily influenced side of me and helped mold me into a leader, the leader I thought I'd never be. In high school and middle school I always used to hear the phrase, "Be a leader not a follower," whether it be from my mom or from a mentor. And I always thought to myself, "I wish I could turn my life around and really be like that." I was never as devoted as I should've been and that's one of the things I regret the most. Only to one day realize and begin to truly appreciate the time and diligent teachings you invested to my life. I may not have fully understood then but I completely understand now how important and crucial our time was. Without your well prepared words given to you by God, I wouldn't be who I am today. I never thought in a million years God would place me and my family in a church that we have the opportunity to help build up and be leaders of.

I don't know how many "thank you's" you get from former students, but I wanted you to know that your time spent educating and in a way training me, was not wasted. Nothing that you do will ever be wasted. Your kind words and sometimes even scolding lectures will forever be with not only me, but all of the kids you've encountered. I finally understand how unyielding your job is. You have to be on constant guard of what you say and how you act because of those attentive eyes and ears following you. This country needs more men like you. I can only hope and pray that my son will also have amazing Godly mentors and ministers aside from his father. Someone he can talk to and confide in when life seems unbearable as a teenager. You not only gave me Godly wisdom, you gave me a second home to come to anytime I wanted. Your words impacted my life so much and I'm realizing that more and more every day. I will be forever grateful to you for being my brothers in Christ and also becoming the brother/father figures that lacked in my life. Thank you for pushing me to better myself as a Christian, and thank you for helping me discover those spiritual gifts I've been blessed with. To this day I pray for you and your beautiful families, for strength to always keep teaching and bringing the influence of God's Word to everyone you meet. 

You will always be in my heart, and I will always consider you my friend. Thank you for everything you've done for me.
(And I will probably always continue to ask you random questions that I can't quite figure out on my own.)

With Love,
Victoria V.

The Heart Behind These Words

I've done a few posts that have been really hard for me, and this is going to be one of them. This subject has been causing me so much grief and confusion, and I just wanted to sit down and let it all out. So with tears and a heavy heart, that's what I did with this one. It's not about pride or boasting, it's about the truth about what kind of person I truly am.

I have a gay friend named Michael that I worked with a few years back. He is full of life, he loves seizing new opportunities, and making people laugh. One night I got a call from him and he was in tears at the hospital, before you freak out let me tell you that it was just kidney stones. However, he was still in a lot of pain at the ER and they wouldn't give him pain medication until someone arrived to drive him home. So he trusted me enough to call and ask me to come and eventually take him home. Of course I went and sat with him and tried to talk him through the pain before the meds started to kick in. He was in full blown crocodile tears, and said he thought he was going to give birth, haha. I know I shouldn't laugh, but men crack me up sometimes... So I helped him out of the hospital and into the car, and drove him home. He said he was fine to be left alone and he wanted to rest so I went home. He was really thankful, and the next day he had my friend Kimberly deliver me a surprise bouquet of flowers to work for being there for him. 

My intentions for this story is not to flaunt pride or contradict my beliefs. I wanted to share this story because being a Christian doesn't mean you have to have a cold heart toward someone. Nothing could've stopped my heart from knowing I had to help Michael that night. Though it may seem odd to some and give off an impression of prudence, but as Christians, it is required of us to uphold the laws of God. To vote no to gay marriage. But for a former friend to say, how dare I say I have gay friends and family and that I don't have a heart for all humanity, really broke me. It is not wrong to stand and support those who do want to serve you but just have to say no to participating in that specific type of wedding. Because let's be honest, in our Christian culture that type of marriage doesn't honor God or His law. However, your heart does honor God when you choose to show love to all people around you.

My Dad and I just recently talked about his brother Tim, who passed away before I was born. Tim got diagnosed with AIDS and he was also gay. Uncle Tim died in my Dads arms, and my Dad has never gotten over the pain, and who could ever get over something like that? It's a painful feeling and image to hold on to. So let me tell you why I think Uncle Tim is in Heaven. In the Bible there's a scripture in 1 Peter that reads, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." And in those last few moments, my Dad's heart was so full of love and hope for his brother. It is not our job to tell anyone they are condemned to hell, only to lead them in the right direction toward Heaven. I'm not saying you should encourage and welcome homosexuality, but don't let it keep your heart from loving deeply.

I also wanted this post to be about forgiveness. Forgiveness for heat of the moment retaliation and misuse of words, that cause people to think all Christians carry malice in their hearts. This particular situation has been weighing on my heart so much, and it crushes my spirit to know someone would wrongly classify our family.

So I want to say I forgive you. I forgive you for judging me. I forgive you for saying mean things about me and turning your back. I know my heart was never in the wrong place. I have built this blog for me to have a place to come to spill my feelings and thoughts, and welcoming anyone to read them. It's always raw and vulnerable and sometimes people take advantage of that and say hateful things. But I feel like I'm doing a very brave thing by opening myself up and letting people see me and know that we have the chance to inspire others, take your chance. I know who I've become and I love where I am in life. So I just ask you to please be respectful and know that there is a real person with a heart behind these words...

With Love,
Victoria

My Worst Misconception

Have you ever found yourself having that inner conversation about the church? Thinking that it only holds judgment and you don't have to go to love God or to be a Christian? I used to be this person. And I've had this conversation with myself and God plenty of times. Ever since I graduated high school, I said it would just be me and God, on our own together. I would listen to podcasts of sermons and make myself feel a little better about not attending. I don't mean to make this sound cliche, but I was wrong to ever doubt the church. When you start to doubt the church, it unfortunately is the beginning of doubting God's plans. 

I've read so many things about how awful the church can be and what so many assume that it holds. I've been to a few different ones and none of them have been the same. The church that we are members of now, it's unlike anything I've ever experienced. It's so attentive and passionate for God, and every Sunday leaves you feeling like God spoke directly to you. Most of the New Testament is Paul's letters to each of the churches. Filling those scrolls with instructions from the Holy Spirit. The church should not be a place of judgement, however it should be a place of change. Hearts, minds, bodies, all changing to follow Christ. It should be a place of repentance. Every time you attend a church service, you should not walk out the same person as when you first walked in. That's what I love about ours; when we worship it's not just singing, it's our Pastor praying over us, and us praying as well. Giving us the chance to ask for forgiveness, for whatever has gone on during the week in our lives that set us back. If we need healing he has the oil out and ready to anoint us, it's real. His people are being moved, saved, and healed. It always leaves me wondering, why aren't all churches like this? That is why I love it so much. It gives me the feeling of closeness to God's Word and the Holy Spirit, it feels like the closest thing to Heaven, it feels like home. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying all other churches are doing it wrong, but each one has their own different routine or way of doing things.

There's a story in the Bible I always run back to because I feel like it's the story of my life. In Mark chapter 5, there's a woman who had been sick for a long time and came to a crowd gathered around Jesus, and she said to herself if she could only reach out and touch his clothes she would be healed. And because of that strong faith she was healed when she brushed his cloak against her skin. And Jesus wasn't mad at her, He was stunned by her faith. Now that I know what the church really holds, I'm always so eager to get there on Sunday morning. I always feel like that woman running after Jesus, "If I can only be in the presence of the Holy Spirit today, He will speak to my heart, make me stronger in His name."

I can tell you that the church is of great importance to God. From spiritual correction and discipline to tithing and so many other lessons. The only way for you to really know how important it really is, is if you read His Word for yourself and let Him speak to you about it. Even if you're going through a dry spell, make that effort to find a church you really love. It's one of the most life changing experiences I've ever had. Don't let Satan keep telling you that it's not for you.

"The words of our Pastor that impacted me the most were these: God wants our church to be an Ark, to bring as many people in as we can because the end is near. I've just never heard a preacher say it like that. God gave him a vision for our church, and it was a revelation to my spirit." -My Mom


"For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." -Matthew 18:20

"So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ." -Ephesians 4:11-13


With Love,
Victoria

Amidst the Gunfire

We don't always comprehend the amount of courage and guts it takes to put on that uniform and vest, and the strong arm that holsters your gun everyday. We don't realize that unknowingly because you defend your city you become a target for revenge. The drops of sweat that roll down your face when your adrenaline pumped body thinks to reach for your gun. The prayers your racing mind is quickly trying to get to God to protect your life amidst the gunfire. "God, please don't let me get shot." "Let me make the right call." "Please protect me from harm, and let me walk away today." "God let me get home to my family tonight."

The few short minutes feel like a lifetime. When it's over and your pounding heart starts to slow and a sense of relief comes across your body, to think there are still more people concerned about vengeance, than your wife and children who would be without the bravest man they know. Two handsome little boys are tucked in bed praying for you tonight, praying for their daddy to walk back through the door untouched by the bullets of hatred. 

Not only do you carry a gun and a badge everyday, you carry your whole city's sense of safety on your shoulders. You carry the promise to your wife to be safe, and the promise to your children to come home. Above all, you carry with you the gruesome and tragic scenes that will forever be burned into your mind. Sometimes we forget. We forget how much weight you carry with you, and how strong you have to be, physically and mentally. But today we were reminded, because we saw you and we felt the ground shake beneath our feet from your fierce defense. You are a brother/sister, a husband/wife, a daddy/mommy, a son/daughter, a friend, a warrior and a Peacemaker. An Officer of the Law. You might have a target on your back, but just know that only means someone fears you're stronger than they are. And just like God gave all the surrounding towns into Israel's hands long ago, so did He do that today when all of our men got to walk away unharmed. We pray God will continue to be with all of you and protect you from danger. We pray He will continue to strengthen you with reviving energy and an alert mind to be on guard. Your amazing strength to respond and protect us is greatly and truly appreciated. We love and thank all of you. Every one of you and your families are in our prayers.

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God." -Matthew 5:9


Dedicated to: Our local PD, DPS and SWAT and all of the first responders and teams that helped in assisting our men.

And to my Dad and brothers who also currently serve - I truly admire your passion for this line of work that you have so faithfully served all these years. You will all always be my Hero.


With Love,
Victoria

Society vs. Christianity

I've been reading all these different articles and researching why people seem to avoid and steer clear of Christians. And as I'm reading all of these things I'm thinking to myself, "Really?" 

It just blew my mind. First off, there's just too much friction between Atheists and Christians in the world today. You just can't have a civil conversation about beliefs, it will most likely take a turn for the worst if their mind is already made up, and that's fine. But what about those who are curious, and may even be a Christian, but think that some other Christians are being over the top? 

You want the truth? - 

We are not born with hate in our hearts for people, someone else instills it in us. Somewhere along the way, you've been told or have had a conversation about Christianity in a negative sense. And if it stuck with you and you're on the fence about Christianity, you're on the fence about God altogether. But this is not something new, Jesus himself offended the elders, Chief Priests and Pharisees all the time. You want to know why? Because I feel their hearts were never in the right place to understand Him. We can't change what is written in The Word. The Bible calls us to make disciples of all nations, and with that responsibility comes speaking the truth. And if you take the Bible out of context and twists the words, God will know (Matt. 5:17-19, 2 Tim. 4:2-4). If the Bible offends you, there's something wrong with your heart. Jeremiah 17:9 states, "The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?" Christians are being condemned more and more everyday, (Bible predicts it) because we say one thing about following the Bible and we're automatically considered hypocrites and hateful. We are being hunted by Isis for crying out loud! Who in this country wants to be associated with that? People just don't want to believe Christians do any good to this world but bring judgement. Everywhere we look today there is hate. Even if that's not your intention, someone might put that label on you. Biblically speaking, our whole culture is corrupt. Actually if we want to get real, the world has always been corrupt.

How To Deal

The truth is, you can't lead someone that doesn't want to be led. All you can do is pray. Pray for hearts to be softened toward us. Pray for them to not misunderstand you and The Word. If you hold more conviction for certain things, be sure to obey what God has shown you. It shouldn't be classified as hate unless you're purposely trying to entice someone or hurt their feelings. Retaliation is also something we get caught up in, I know I have. You shouldn't retaliate, it should stay between you and God. God knows your heart, and if it wasn't your intention to come across as mean, then He knows.

Stand on The Word of God for everything. Everything you could possibly need for proof and evidence that God is real is in the Bible. Every problem you're facing there is a solution for in The Word. There are men and women that you can actually relate to, that's what their stories are there for. To guide us with love in our hearts and guard us with knowledge in our minds.

With Love,

Do Not Fear

Welcome!

I'm so excited to finally start a new series! Especially one like this one. I've been feeling a change coming on, not only for our family, but also in our churches. We are really starting to rise up, so this seemed fitting. So I'm going to start this out with some quotes to get us inspired:

"To be right with God has often meant to be in trouble with men." -AW Tozer

"God uses rescued people to rescue people." -Christine Caine

"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." -Albert Einstein

"It is impossible to rightly govern a nation without God and the Bible." -George Washington

"The devil doesn't know what to do with somebody who just won't give up." -Anonymous 


You're probably wondering why I'm quoting people and not the Bible. Sometimes we need extra reassurance from other human beings like us, who have been where we are, to help us continue our journey of courage.

In the Bible, John the apostle is one of my favorite men. When you begin to read the first words he wrote in the Gospel, you can tell his character and personality is genuine, honest and humble. He truly loved Jesus and would've done anything asked of him. It really rattles my soul that there are people who think The Word of God is a bunch of men making up stories... Did you know that some of the things that are said in the Bible as "still there to this day", you can still go see in Israel? I took an art history class in college, and our professor showed us John the Baptist's head (he was beheaded while in prison) and where they still keep it today, kind of creepy. King James believed 100 percent in the books of the Bible, that's why he picked most of them. Hence the King James version. Our founding fathers believed 100 percent, hence our Christian foundation. Believing that we just magically appeared here from an explosion is logical? Aren't explosions supposed to kill things not create millions of different species of every kind? This is probably why these things are only theories. Some of the smartest men who lived even acknowledged that their had to be a higher creator. I know it's silly to get worked up about it, but is it? We're letting our brothers and sisters walk by and live their lives, but we're keeping our mouths shut because we're afraid people won't like us anymore? We're afraid we won't be as popular? To be honest, we're mostly afraid of losing friends.

I experienced rejection for the first time recently, it doesn't feel good. I had no idea I'd take it as well as I did. Genuinely believing in God and growing in your faith changes you from the inside out. The more you get to know God the more conviction you hold. I guess that's why it was easy for me to handle harsh words and negativity. I know that this world is temporary and I'm going to blink my eyes and my life will almost be over. I am not willing to risk my chance of going to Heaven for anything. You have to constantly keep asking yourself, is this worth it? Does God really want this for me?

I remember when I was in grade school my mom used to tell me that I needed new friends, and I always told her, "I know you might be right but I might be the only light they will ever see." I can say that I really did try. There is a difference in trying to talk to someone who wants to understand Christianity and learn more, and talking to someone who doesn't care to hear it at all. Why is it that we want to ignore the parts of the Bible we don't want to believe, but go with all the parts we agree with? That's just not how it works.

Getting someone to Christ takes heart and patience. You have to let them know God loves all his children and wants them to know Him intimately. Then comes the education of repentance through teachers. That's why the church and fellowship with other Christians is crucial. There are some people who don't feel convicted over certain areas because they may not know in depth yet. But when God shows them the right way, they should take it seriously. God knows your heart. He is not an angry God. So many people get the wrong impression because they think Christians are nothing but judgmental. That we would never help someone that had an abortion or that's in a same sex relationship. That's not true, but if you're purposely enticing someone out of hate, of course we should stand up for our beliefs. If we as adults don't take a stand against someone being hateful, how are our young people going to know that they too should stand? Instead there are so many of our young adults who are saying, "I'm not going to take sides." Are you really willing to risk that attitude? 

Read your Bible for yourself. The Old Testament and the New. Don't ever take someone else's word for it. Live by it. 

"The devil doesn't care if you read your Bible or go to church, as long as you don't apply it to your life."


"Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work." -2 Timothy 2:21


With Love,

Sparing The Rod?

Welcome to Mommy Monday! 

Tonight I have a question for my readers. I know there are some families who choose not to spank or pop their children, but we definitely believe in it. It's Biblical, and of course we want to follow those rules as close as possible. So my question is: At what age range did/do you start discipling your child?

I've heard quite a few responses already. My sister, Tosha, said she feels it's pointless until age 2. Some parents have said they started popping on the hand after their child turned 1. We've had to start popping Levi already too. He's gotten into the habit of throwing his toys, starting to bite, and slapping. It's not an all day long thing but we decided to go ahead and address the problem, so he doesn't continue the behavior. Anybody who is around him says he's a wonderful baby, and that always makes me feel like I'm doing my job right. I know when we get into the terrible two's that will most likely change... I feel like leading up to two and over, they want to test you to see how far they can go. So I feel strongly about popping on the hand (or leg, if it's something really bad), I feel like they need to know right off the bat that you won't let them get away with craziness. I've seen some parents that are extremely lenient and when their child hits two, it's just complete chaos.

Some parents might think this is awful and feel strong about "talking" rather than taking physical action. They might even feel so strong about it that they call CPS on some parents they see spanking their child in stores. Personally, I feel this is ignorance at it's finest. Now if you just slap or punch your child, of course that's going way too far. I've heard some people say they feel if they spank their children, their kids will want to hit others. I don't really agree with this. I feel that as parents it's our responsibility to establish a good foundation of authority. "Talking" or "time out", in my opinion, are not things that seem to get the job done. You can spend a lifetime talking to someone or reasoning, and they still won't ever change. However, if it's your child, there's no doubt it will be completely considered your fault if they end up not respecting rules and authority. We have the ability, right now, to teach our children, it's never too late.

The Bible is very clear about discipline, if you don't discipline your children you don't love them: 

"Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them." (Proverbs 13:24) 

"Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent." (Revelation 3:19)

Feel free to leave comments on my Facebook page or down below. 
Negativity is not tolerated here, be sweet:)

For As Long As I Have Breath

As I lay here next to my son as he's sleeping, I can't help but pray. I pray over him every night. I pray for his future, for his future wife, his future children, his heart and his mind as he grows. That The Lord will guide him all the days of his life.

And as all of the distorted things going on in our country right now ingulf our minds and dictate our conversations, I pray. I pray over all of it. It was when I was praying, that I first had the incredible experience of physically feeling The Holy Spirit in my heart. That's why I can say I'm 200% sure I become the most powerful in God when I'm praying. Sometimes I get lost in time when I pray, two hours could fly by and I'm still talking to God (1Thessalonians 5:17). God hears our prayers, He heals people, He does miracles through us and sometimes we don't even realize it or take the time to thank Him. Since I had Levi I've become so much more aware of God's presence around me. He is for me, He's not against me (Romans 8:31). I can feel Him constantly wanting to make me stronger in Him, wanting me to seek Him in everything I do throughout the day. In my opinion, what Satan fears most from us is prayer. It's like we almost become untouchable when we're praying to God. 

There are consequences for our actions, but when we pray we are opening up the door to God's mercy and grace over our lives. Honestly, I pray that God will have mercy on our country. We have turned so far away from where we started, we started out with a Christian foundation and now our eyes and ears are being closed to it.

I pray for all of our impressionable teens and youth that are getting sucked into worldly ways, because they are being told it's acceptable through the media. That's why I pray for my son, that his spiritual vision won't be blurred no matter what someone tries to seep into his mind. And I pray for me and Matthew. That we will be given the wisdom and knowledge to raise Levi up to know God. And know how to answer all his questions to the best of our ability. 

Right now I want to ask you to pray. Pray for our country, our leaders, our youth. Pray for Nepal. Baltimore. Strength to fight Isis. Start praying now for our upcoming election next year. For the young people sitting at their computers watching Bruce Jenner's interview and becoming confused. Becoming lukewarm.

Pray.


"Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!" -Psalms 116:2

With Love,

Does James 3:1 apply to my blog?

"Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly." -(James 3:1 NIV)

In no way, shape or form do I consider myself a teacher. Although, I am one, only to my son. 

This question has been popping up a lot, so I figured I'd dive in and answer it to the best of my ability for my readers. My blog is not about trying to teach anyone anything. My goal for this blog is for it to be my life testimony, to not only my readers, but for myself and my son, when he gets old enough to understand everything about Jesus. I try very hard to be as honest and real as I can in my writings, so it gives everyone something to relate to and let's people know that we all make mistakes, we're human. We make mistakes every day. I try to be as encouraging as I can and let people see that the light at the end of my tunnel, is God. It will always be God. 

Sometimes I'll write something and someone will say, "Why did you put that on there? That's not right." We will continue to have a discussion about it and I'll talk to God about it and look it up in scripture, and I'll change it if I feel like God is prompting me to. And yes I will have to be held accountable for every word on here before God, but the point is for me to be able to grow in this as well. I want to be honest about my development in my Christian life, and what I feel God is saying to me. I'm not going to change something just because someone doesn't agree. This is a Christian blog and that means I do talk about Jesus, I do talk about The Bible, it's what my life revolves around. It's not against the law so I'm all about it! 

There are a ton of blogs out there that have Christian women/men behind them, but some are about fashion, food, their kids, there's even blogs that help you start a blog. They are all wonderful and inspiring, but that's not my purpose. I feel that God is the most important one in my life, and He deserves as much attention and love as possible from everything I do... So here I am. I am not a teacher, I'm not a counselor, I'm not a life coach, but I will tell you about Jesus and how much he's transformed my life through these pages.

With Love,

Wait Patiently for Him

So I'm going to be honest with you tonight, I've been struggling a lot lately with patience... In all areas of my life. Sometimes I even get frustrated when Levi won't eat his food, he just wants to take it out of his mouth and play with it. These are moments I should be enjoying and playfully laughing at, but instead I've just been getting annoyed. I'm definitely aware of it, and I think Satan has been playing a big part in this, it's like he wants me so badly to snap out of control. I've been impatient with Matthew as well, but there's one thing that started this whole spiral...

Last year my mom got really sick in July with diverticulosis, and she battled with it until January of this year. I was so frustrated because I prayed and prayed and asked God to heal her but she just got sicker than before. I didn't understand it at all, and I'm not going to lie I got a little angry with God. But mostly just disappointed. Finally she was hospitalized for 5 days and we also found out she had more than just diverticulitis, and her potassium was dangerously low. When she was in the hospital getting better everyday, I asked God to forgive me for my impatience. I asked Him to make this time be the final time for healing, let it be what I've been praying for. I thanked Him for opening my eyes to see that this is what I'd been waiting for. I kept praying that my mom would see healing for a whole year, with no problems. Since that time she took a trip to Tennessee and stayed well the whole month she was gone, and she's been well ever since. God is beyond good.

If I just would've understood that I needed to have more patience there would've been no need for disappointment. God was working the whole time, but I was blind to see it. Now that Satan knows my weak spot, he's really been testing it lately, and I can feel it. At the same time, I'm thankful for God opening my eyes to awareness towards this problem so I can ask Him to help me. So I started by doing some sweet things for my husband, and asking God to redirect my heart back to joyfulness and love for this amazing life I live. Even when I was angry, God never left me, and he still healed my mom. This type of impatience can often ruin your walk with Christ, when you desperately need a prayer answered and it seems like nothing is happening. I read some great words on this subject from Max Lucado's book Before Amen, "Jesus will heal us all ultimately. Wheelchairs, ointments, treatments, and bandages are confiscated at the gateway to heaven. God's children will once again be whole." "He does not change in His character and purpose, but He does alter His strategy because of the appeals of His children." 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." -Philippians 4:6

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." -Luke 11:9

I Will Carry You With Me

Since writing the "High School & Second Chances" post, I've been asked a lot of questions about some of my experiences. I'm not going to go into depth about it because it brings up a lot of painful memories and emotions, also I don't want to make the people involved feel like I haven't forgiven them or forgiven myself. However, after talking with some friends and long conversations with God, I finally fully understand why I had to leave that town. 

I absolutely adored my friends there. When my mom and stepdad told me I was going to have to leave for college, it was almost unbearable to think about leaving everyone behind. But my friends and I kind of had dysfunctional relationships. Two friends didn't believe in God at all, and one did but was still in the process of finding her way, as was I at that time. We were all friends but sometimes I felt like I didn't quite fit in. I got there in the middle of 5th grade, everyone already knew everybody and had time to grow up with them, and I just always felt like the odd one out I guess. In my mind I was their close friend but in my heart I felt like there was always a gap.

I had a lot of humiliating things happen in high school, and sometimes my friends would laugh along with everyone else and kind of make me feel like I never belonged. We didn't always get along. It was a very bumpy ride, and I'm so different now from that girl I was before. I've grown so much in my walk with Christ. I feel like God separated me because He wanted me to go through some things on my own and grow closer to Him as a result. It it so hard to maintain a Christ-like heart and mind if you spend a lot of time around people who don't think like that. It's not only hard for you, it's hard for your church to trust your judgement. I think that's why it was so hard for me in high school, I had my friends and then I had my church family. And as a result, I was never really all in with God.

It has come to my realization that it's the time to let go and move forward. At this point in my life I am undoubtedly all in for God, and will always be. I've had time to grow and come into a place of so much understanding about The Word of God and His plans for our family. Most importantly though, God has shown me things I never thought He would open my eyes to, and with that comes a higher responsibility to obedience and love for His every word, wholeheartedly. I will always love all my friends, and they will always be in my heart and in my prayers.

I'm so thankful for God giving me peace and understanding about where I'm at in this point of my life. I'm so excited for the new adventures and beginnings our family is about to experience with our church home. Of course I can't forget I'm also thrilled about where God is taking me with this blog! I never thought in a million years it would take off like it has. Thank you to all my loyal readers for your support! I know this is only the beginning and I'm so excited for what's to come!

"Trust Me" (2 Part Post)

Part 1

I love having a blog, not just to inspire others, but to keep inspiring myself. I feel like not only does God use it to help others grow but to continue to help me grow as well. 

There was this one evening last year I decided I wanted to go get one of those half price shakes from Sonic, my addiction to those is a problem... Well I knew I had to hurry because a huge storm was on its way, but of course I thought I still had some time so I decided I'd get my shake and go into town to the bookstore to pick up this book I had been wanting to read for a while. The sky looked so bold and beautiful with storm clouds rolling in, and I was driving on a bridge up kind of high so I could really see everything. I whispered to God that I would love to see the storm and all it's might... I didn't think He would actually hear a tiny little prayer like that. Oh but He did. I was just like ten minutes away from the bookstore and when I got to the road it was on, the storm had hit in a split second. I had to make a u-turn into an Olive Garden parking lot, at which I saw trash cans and huge tree limbs blowing across the road. Golfball size hail, and wind like I've never seen it. I was barely able to find the Olive Garden parking lot due to the wind and rain making it hard to see and it was only seconds away from where I was. Plus the car in front of me had completely stopped in the middle of the road so I had to find my way around him. When it finally died down, I thought it was over so I still drove to the bookstore but their power was out. On my way home it was getting dark fast due to more rain clouds coming in, and another storm was coming at a fast pace. So round two came. God doesn't take prayer lightly. Two crazy storms I drove in all in one day, by this time I thought I was going into shock, literally. Now that my vision has gotten so much worse as I've gotten a little bit older, I can't see good at night anymore. I was balling my eyes out and thought I was going to die from hyperventilation. I said out loud, "Jesus please carry me home and get me back to my son and husband." I kept repeating this over and over. I felt His presence and was compelled to glance over at the passenger seat and although it was empty to my eyes, I felt in my heart it wasn't really empty.

These past couple of days, I've been forgetting about moments like this. With everything that's been going on in my life, I've been hearing nothing but encouraging words from my family and friends. But even with the uplifting comments, I've still felt alone. I kept asking God to show me if what I'm doing is the right thing. So when I got up to sing for our Easter Sunday service at church, I had to hold back tears because I was so overwhelmed by His presence. It's Satan who wants me to feel like I've been alone in this, and it's Satan who wants me to stop and love the ways of the world. God loves me so much and He's for me. He fights my every battle, so I don't have to. He saw my face when He was in excruciating pain on the cross, dying... He will never stop pursuing me.

So a couple nights ago I was doing my Bible reading and I prayed to God again and asked Him to show me if I should keep going with my blog despite negative feedback... and as I was reading I felt God really speaking to me and loving on me, so much that I felt His hands on my face and I heard the words, "Trust me." I couldn't help but break into tears... He had answered my prayer. I guess I always thought to myself that I would never have a problem with negativity or nonbelievers, that was a really ridiculous thought. Of course you'll be tested and questioned, for some reason I just wanted to remain oblivious.

Just because people of this world make you feel bad about yourself or make you feel like you're a failure doesn't mean it's true, and it sure doesn't mean that's how God sees you. Through all of this I've been trying to fight by myself, but really I've just needed to let go and let God take over this for me. He knows our hearts, and He knows the hearts of others that hurt us. That's all that matters. God is a just God. He will fight for you. As human beings we don't always use the right approach or the right words because we're imperfect, and when someone tries to break our spirit, of course we immediately want to retaliate. We are all guilty of it. But there's a reason He opens and closes doors in our lives, and whatever the reason, I'm always going to trust Him and keep on going.

Just want to share some great words I read recently as inspiration:

Not taking a side on issues means to take a side. To decide it is a matter of indifference is to risk having Jesus against you. Read the description of Christ in Revelation 1 and consider if you would ever want to risk that Jesus being against you. -Pastor Sam Allberry

Part 2

Easter Pictures!