The Heart Behind These Words

I've done a few posts that have been really hard for me, and this is going to be one of them. This subject has been causing me so much grief and confusion, and I just wanted to sit down and let it all out. So with tears and a heavy heart, that's what I did with this one. It's not about pride or boasting, it's about the truth about what kind of person I truly am.

I have a gay friend named Michael that I worked with a few years back. He is full of life, he loves seizing new opportunities, and making people laugh. One night I got a call from him and he was in tears at the hospital, before you freak out let me tell you that it was just kidney stones. However, he was still in a lot of pain at the ER and they wouldn't give him pain medication until someone arrived to drive him home. So he trusted me enough to call and ask me to come and eventually take him home. Of course I went and sat with him and tried to talk him through the pain before the meds started to kick in. He was in full blown crocodile tears, and said he thought he was going to give birth, haha. I know I shouldn't laugh, but men crack me up sometimes... So I helped him out of the hospital and into the car, and drove him home. He said he was fine to be left alone and he wanted to rest so I went home. He was really thankful, and the next day he had my friend Kimberly deliver me a surprise bouquet of flowers to work for being there for him. 

My intentions for this story is not to flaunt pride or contradict my beliefs. I wanted to share this story because being a Christian doesn't mean you have to have a cold heart toward someone. Nothing could've stopped my heart from knowing I had to help Michael that night. Though it may seem odd to some and give off an impression of prudence, but as Christians, it is required of us to uphold the laws of God. To vote no to gay marriage. But for a former friend to say, how dare I say I have gay friends and family and that I don't have a heart for all humanity, really broke me. It is not wrong to stand and support those who do want to serve you but just have to say no to participating in that specific type of wedding. Because let's be honest, in our Christian culture that type of marriage doesn't honor God or His law. However, your heart does honor God when you choose to show love to all people around you.

My Dad and I just recently talked about his brother Tim, who passed away before I was born. Tim got diagnosed with AIDS and he was also gay. Uncle Tim died in my Dads arms, and my Dad has never gotten over the pain, and who could ever get over something like that? It's a painful feeling and image to hold on to. So let me tell you why I think Uncle Tim is in Heaven. In the Bible there's a scripture in 1 Peter that reads, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." And in those last few moments, my Dad's heart was so full of love and hope for his brother. It is not our job to tell anyone they are condemned to hell, only to lead them in the right direction toward Heaven. I'm not saying you should encourage and welcome homosexuality, but don't let it keep your heart from loving deeply.

I also wanted this post to be about forgiveness. Forgiveness for heat of the moment retaliation and misuse of words, that cause people to think all Christians carry malice in their hearts. This particular situation has been weighing on my heart so much, and it crushes my spirit to know someone would wrongly classify our family.

So I want to say I forgive you. I forgive you for judging me. I forgive you for saying mean things about me and turning your back. I know my heart was never in the wrong place. I have built this blog for me to have a place to come to spill my feelings and thoughts, and welcoming anyone to read them. It's always raw and vulnerable and sometimes people take advantage of that and say hateful things. But I feel like I'm doing a very brave thing by opening myself up and letting people see me and know that we have the chance to inspire others, take your chance. I know who I've become and I love where I am in life. So I just ask you to please be respectful and know that there is a real person with a heart behind these words...

With Love,
Victoria