Becoming Israel

I had a lot of anxiety about making my blog public at first and going back to facebook, and let me explain why...

•  My family- There's always that pit in your stomach about what people will do with your pictures of your children. I think everyone who has babies can understand this feeling. You want to protect your family first above all else.

•  Privacy- Now days anyone can find out where you live and where you're posting from (supposedly), and you have to admit, that's a really scary thought. Also making your blog public means anyone can pin it on pinterest and link it to other different websites.

•  Being judged- This blog is based around being a Christian family and our everyday struggles to uphold our faith in Christ. I want people to know that I don't think we are perfect because we believe in The Lord, but to be reaching for becoming like Christ, it's inevitable for us to want to try.

With these three points, comes some internal struggles for me in a deeper sense. 

I want Levi to grow up in church, to know Jesus and the stories of the Bible, and all there is to a life built on a Godly foundation. But most of all I want him to KNOW God. To walk beside Him and let The Lord hold his hand through all the days of his life. To let God be there to catch his tears and his breath when he's hurting, because God is real. I know that if my son really comes to know Christ, he will surely know the difference between false teachings and what comes straight out of the Bible in plain sight. God is real and He loves us like I love my son, but way beyond how far my human love can go. This is what I pray for him.

But I also know I will be judged for the way I want to bring up my son. All people judge one another in some way, whether we realize it or not.

In high school I got judged and tormented a lot for going to church and being a Christian, but not because I was the do-gooder type, I was the opposite. I was in church every Sunday and Wednesday but I didn't walk the walk. I wanted so badly to be all in for God but I continually got pulled back by myself. I was my own worst enemy. Do I regret growing up in church? Never. I am so thankful I got to experience being apart of the church and youth group. When I finally defeated my demons that were holding me back, God let me see clearly. I wouldn't be the person I am today if it weren't for the church experiences I had what seems like so long ago. 

And yes, I know I will be judged by the people who were around and close to me during my darkest days, but we should try to help them to understand that the part of you who once was lost, is now found. 

My husband and my son are also constant reminders to me that I never want to turn back. And I never will.

I became a Christian and got baptized when I was 8 years old. To me, this was no mistake. I have been living with God beside me ever since then through all my struggles. Don't get me wrong, I have had my doubts about God and I think every Christian has at some point. I have had bad seasons of self destruction, but never enough of all this to ever be swayed away from Him. In my heart I know He is real and that He is with me all the time. It is a supernaturally overwhelming feeling, if you have really accepted Christ into your life, that you feel His presence and you cannot deny that He's here.

With all that being said, this is the reason I decided to hit that public button. To share EVERYTHING. Good and bad. To be honest about my journey with God throughout my life. It's important to me that my story is heard. For encouragement to God's children. This task is much bigger to me than my fear of all my three points. We are rising up and now is the time to share His word, and know that even as a stay-at-home mom, there are still ways to have an impact on someone's life who is in need of seeing God in your hopeful words.

You're probably wondering why the title of this post is called "Becoming Israel." So let me tell you. In Genesis chapter 27 we read about a man named Jacob who has done awful things to his family. The name Jacob in the Bible means "deceiver." After wrestling with God and not giving up until God blessed him, God gives Jacob a new name, Israel. Which means "God prevails." Although Jacob has done some questionable things throughout his life, God still longed to use him as an example to His children. We all have a part of Jacob in us. We've all done things we're not proud of, because we're sinners. But if you let Him, God can save you from yourself.

"But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to Him at all.) And Christ lives within you, so even though your body will die because of sin, the Spirit gives you life because you have been made right with God." -Romans 8:9-10 NLT