What I'm Going to Miss About Breastfeeding

Welcome to Mommy Monday!

I finally stopped nursing Levi 4 days ago and I've been pretty bummed out about it. He's now almost 14 months, so I guess it was time. I just wanted to share a few things I'm going to miss about breastfeeding, assuming Levi will be my only baby. We haven't fully decided on that yet. So here we go...

1. The Quiet Time - It was the few times out of the day where you're not hearing screaming or crying, it was just those moments of beautiful peace and quiet.

2. "The Mommy-Baby Bond" - Now I know this is going to sound somewhat selfish, but I know now that Levi will get older he will have a close connection with his Daddy, which is great. But in my mind he will no longer be Mommy's little baby... He'll be Daddy's big boy, and that kind of makes me tear up.

3. Pumping - I know some women will think this one is absolutely insane, but I honestly loved pumping. I had a great supply so there was just something very satisfying about pumping and freezing milk. It provided a safe net so if something were to ever happen to me, Levi would still get breastmilk. Also it's great for your skin and helps cure pink eye!;)

4. Security - Sometimes I would think Levi felt the safest when I would be nursing him, and often I feel like he won't have that feeling of total security anymore. Now he's going to have to endure different babysitters sometimes, and going to the nursery at church. It's hard for me as well, in my mind, as the mom to feel like Levi does (and will) feel safe without me around.

5. Being His Hero - In those moments of nursing, you tend to feel like there is no one else in the world that could make your baby feel as loved and warm as you. The way they smile up at you and know that YOU ARE MY MOMMY. And they love you more than anyone else on the planet in those few minutes. You are his life support, you are his hero...

God or The World?

This is my 50th post! Yay! I can't believe I already made it to 50. Excuse my teenage girl freakout... So I have some very exciting news for my readers! I'm going to have some guest posts coming up soon! I'm super excited about it. So get ready!


Following my last post, I felt like I needed to cover the aspect of judgment. It's something we are all guilty of. A good friend of mine put it in perspective for me, "If you are not wearing name brand everything you must be poor. If you don't have the newest car or best things you are not cool." -JesseM 

This is sad. It's sad that as parents we help enable our children to think this way by not teaching them the value of a dollar. We want so badly to give our children more than what we had growing up, that it completely slips our mind what it's doing to the way they view people. It's not just about clothes or cars though, it's about decisions we've made. There are people that don't agree with the way you live or the way you think. Now in today's society, there is more of being coerced to agree with things. Some Christians don't agree with homosexuality, tattoos, piercings, or even wearing jeans to church. This is a big reason churches are closing their doors, because people are too afraid of being judged. It's especially hard to live in our nation today. You are expected to have a nice house and nice things. 

When I was in high school my government teacher my senior year, was one of the best teachers I've ever had. I wouldn't have met my husband if it weren't for Mr. Roach. That's right, Mr. Roach taught us how to do some country dances in class. And I have to say Matthew & I are amazing dance partners, when I dance with him it's like that's all that matters in the world is that moment. We just flow together and we know how to feel when the other one is about to change it up. In a way, it let's you know that you're compatible with each other. Anyway, so Mr. Roach said something in class one day that I never forgot, he said, "You do not own your possessions, your possessions own you." Ever since then, I didn't want to make that mistake of serving money instead of God. Does it matter what we have or what we wear? I could die in 5 minutes and none of that would matter once I'm gone.

None of these worldly decisions we make about which shirt to buy or which house to build will mean anything in Heaven. It will be, who did you give your money to that needed it in that moment? Who did you help? And who really saw Jesus in you? If you're thinking about these questions, and maybe you haven't helped someone in a really long time, or even just to tithe at church, the time is now. If you haven't been paying attention to the news, the time is now. Our president is about to make the decision that could be the beginning of the end. Now is the time to come back to Jesus, and I mean come back for real. Not saying one thing and doing another. It's time for us to start standing up and supporting Israel, and loving our God. Whole heartedly loving our God. The time is now. The last thing we need to be worrying about is who has the latest iPhone and who is wearing the cutest stuff. Check yourself and open your Bible. I don't just say these things for my readers, I write this stuff for myself too. We all need to come back down from the world and realize all that matters is who we serve. Who do you serve? God or the world? It's time to choose.

"Better a little with the fear of the Lord than great wealth with turmoil." -Proverbs 15:16

High School & Second Chances

So I've gone through countless numbers of tissues and musinex pills and soft foods, even some theraflu... and I'm out of energy. Sinus infections are absolutely going to be the death of me, but I'm going to power through this.

So this is the post I've been kind of putting off do to dread... But I know there have been a few people who've asked the question about how I survived the high school humiliation. The truth is, I didn't. I don't think any of us really get over those experiences we just can't forget, it will always be there in the back of our minds. If you're reading this and you don't know what I mean, I'll fill you in. I'm going to get really raw and vulnerable with you tonight, so bear with me. My high school wasn't like one of those huge ones where you'll never know all the kids in your class, it was tiny. Really small. You knew everybody in each grade. So with that in mind, I made some very dark, poor decisions back then. And of course it's never long until the whole school knows about your personal life in a day. Basically every humiliating situation you could imagine being in at school, I was that girl. Numerous times. So there's that...

Although now it feels like a bad dream, I really don't know who that person was. If there was a real life humanity switch, I think mine was turned off. The second my mom decided to leave our family and move away when I was 11, that's when it all changed for me. I became a completely different person. I was ripped away from my big sisters, my home, my (what I thought was) beautiful life. I know it sounds selfish, but to this day I can still feel the pain of a piece of my heart breaking from that 3 hour drive away. 

I had no coping skills I guess and I was completely alone to figure everything out. Needless to say I did it all wrong. I cried myself to sleep a lot at first. And then I was just numb to everything. People would ask me questions and I would lie, though to me it wasn't a lie. This became the only thrill in my life, and I used it like a real drug. At 12, 13 years old I already had demons. It really happens. When I figured out I could sing, it changed my perspective a little. I started going to church to sing and I felt like I had the angel and the devil always on my shoulders. I was torn between two lives. I lived both. There were numerous times I thought about ending my life. Mostly when the lies would be unraveling. Like you have no more drugs and you're out of money. You'll do anything to make the urge stop.

It wasn't until my Nanny passed away that I really let go of the darkness and the drug. Finally that part of me that was so lost and worn down by torment of nothing but lies, was dead. I had nothing left and one my of best friends was gone. My Nanny was my rock. I can't tell you how many times I've wished I could've drove to her house and just crawled in her bed and watched movies with her and eat cinnamon toast. In a way, she changed my life. I needed to leave that town and those people and get out and start over, clean and fresh, away from the darkness. I still had problems and some way bigger than others but no more drug. I lived the college experience. New life, new friends, and in a way I was finally finding who I was meant to be. 

And when I met Matthew my life changed. I knew I wanted to be his wife. But when I came back to God my whole world changed, and I knew I was never going back to the person I was in high school. And when I had Levi my heart changed and my eyes were opened to nothing but love. I cannot ever be that person again. Ever. I was always meant to be who I am today. A woman of God, Matthews wife, and Levi's mommy. And that's why God never let me take my life, and always carried me, no matter what stupid things I decided to do. I feel like God gave me a second chance at life, to do things the right way.

People can change, but they have to want it. I was a horrible teenager. But I'm a wonderful adult, wife, and mommy. I encourage you to always know what's going on in your kids lives, talk to them, have family dinners. Children desperately need stability, communication, and to feel love. When they are cut off from that, they become desperate for anything. To feel anything, good or bad.

This is why I felt like I needed to tell you this. For the children struggling with a mental drug or real drugs. In the end, it will tear you down all the same if you don't fix it. My parents had no clue what I became when we moved, they didn't know I had a problem. We never talked about it. So please talk to your children, let them tell you the problems they are facing in their lives. And take them to church. I absolutely could not help myself. God did that. God changed me from the inside out, and I will never go back.

"Truly I tell you," he continued, "no prophet is accepted in his hometown." -Luke 4:24

50 Shades of Satan

This has been circulating for quite some time and I'm sure all the blogs out there have something to say about it. I've read a few of them that were inspiring for this post. But I have my own voice.

50 Shades of Grey...

Now that I got that out there, let me begin.

I personally don't know much about this book or movie at all. Never read it and never cared to look at it at a bookstore, and I'm an avid reader, love bookstores. I think I've finished more books now that I'm a mom than I ever have pre-baby, it's kind of strange actually. 

So the bottom line for Christian women is... this is porn. There are a lot of women out there who are Christian women, going to see this movie. Why? I mean really, why? I asked my husband if he would ever want to see the movie, and he said he had absolutely no desire to see any of that stuff, and I believe him. Even just going with your friends, why? I just don't understand. Does it make you feel good to watch something like that? Why wouldn't you go home to your husbands and literally feel good about being with your husband?

I know some women that have said, "I need some new tricks", or "It might help our love life to watch it." No. It's not going to help anything. It's actually going to hurt your marriage. If you go with your husbands, you are basically saying it's okay and good to watch porn. It's never good. Don't kid yourselves, and give in to this repulsive behavior. Sex was never meant for all the things it has become. It was never meant for someone to want to feel like it's okay to have control over you or the situation. I'm going to be honest about my opinion on porn, it's demonic. I feel like it creates a dark cloud over your home when you give in to it. When I see all the stuff about this movie and book and I'm forced to picture it in my mind, I always picture Satan surrounded by gross, perverse women in hell. That's just how I feel about it. In college or high school when I wasn't so spiritually mature, I probably would've said yea it's cool, let's go check it out. That's not me today. I would never want my children to feel like they have to submit to someone like that just to be in a relationship, or even think anything like that is okay. No way. It will never be in my home.

When you hear people say, "I have demons", what comes to your mind? A dark secret? Or just something they want to change? This is real to me. Satan appears to us in many different ways (or shades), whether we want to believe it or not. I feel he appears to us on the tv screen more than any other place. In images, symbols, sexual implications. Satan has his hand in all things media related. Hence why I try to stay off social media as much as possible. Not just for me though, for my family. I want my son to know there is more to life than technology. It will get you in trouble somehow, someday. Our world today is so perverse we can't even see it anymore. We are really far gone. In the book of Revelation, we don't have a huge impact in the end. What does that say? Will our country even be standing? Will there even be an America left?

I just want you to take the time to soak in everything I've talked about, and really understand that anyone who tells you this is okay to watch and read, it's really not. Please don't give in to this.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. -Ephesians 5:25-30 NIV

The Rambling Mommy

I was in the grocery store yesterday and I was just browsing through the kids toy section, just trying to keep up with what's cool. I saw a military man holding flowers in one hand and holding on to his sons hand in the other, and they were picking out some toys. I overheard him say, "I've got a good idea, why don't we watch Star Wars this weekend? I'd really love for you to see it with me." Just by his tone and his patience with his son, I knew that he was on leave and would have to go back to wherever he was stationed soon. It kind of brought tears to my eyes. He really wanted to make his time memorable with his son in a classic way. I even remember saying to myself, "That is a cute idea." 

Matthew is not in the military and man I don't know what I'd do if he was... Military wives are the strongest women. Ever. I cried my eyes out when Matt got sent to Arlington for 3 days for his job. I'm pathetic, I know. Sometimes it takes a real look into someone else's life for us to know how truly blessed we are. And it makes me so mad at myself to know that sometimes I take a lot of stuff for granted. At the end of every day I try my hardest to understand that even though we are considered middle class in our society, we are not considered middle class in this world. There are people out there who would think our houses are mansions.

When I'm doing my Bible reading at night, I get this internal feeling of satisfaction. It's funny because our Bible Study group of ladies just started The Purpose Driven Life series, and I really connect with the author. I'm a deep thinker... if you didn't already know. And I just know that people all around the world know that they have purpose. Whether you're agnostic or atheist, it doesn't matter, you know that there is someone who created you. We did not come from animals, that's the stupidest thing in the world anyone could've come up with. We are so far advanced from that, there is just no way. I mean really. I feel like some people just don't want to believe it because they don't want to live by Godly standards and follow rules. I know there is talk about aliens and whatever, but it's all foolishness. I believe that our planet was created out of all of the rest of the universe for a reason, and that's so God can love the ones He created in His image. No one wants to be alone. All of the different species of animals including us have unique form and very different purposes in this world. We are the only planet of knowledgable, intelligent, focused human beings, in charge of taking care of everything God created for us on this earth. So who created us? It seems like a pretty easy question to answer. I'm going to give you a huge hint though, if you're a nonbeliever this might just shake you ;)

You ready? 


This is kinda big.



Did you know that scientists found that the tiniest molecule is made up of sound waves?

So when God said let their be light and their was light, not only did it appear but His voice created everything. Just let that sink in for a minute.

So I basically just gave you the answer :)

I know I jumped topics in this one but I hope you got something great out of it.

Thanks for keeping up with my rambling! Until next time!