The Concept of Marriage

Since I was already on the subject of marriage with my previous post, I'd like to go a step further...

I'm just going to be really blunt and honest about my opinion and jump right into this, so brace yourselves. By the way, nobody is making you read this.

Marriage is not something to toy with or take for granted. It is sacred and Holy. I absolutely cannot explain my fury when I read or hear about someone being married for 6 months to a year and then getting a divorce. ESPECIALLY if you knew that person for longer then a year before you got married. Now don't get me wrong, life happens and maybe just MAYBE they weren't who you thought they were after all that time, and of course if your spouse cheats. However, if you already knew who that person was and their ways of life, shame on you.

I'm going to tell you a little something about mine and Matt's marriage. Matthew has always had problems showing his emotions, he always wears a poker face. Now I already knew about this for 2 years before we got married and we agreed it was something to work on, but did I ever expect to change Matthew? No. It's who he is, he grew up like that. Did I expect him to warm up? Yes, and he has, especially now that we have Levi. It is something I agreed to live with when I said my vows. I agreed to live with every part of Matthew through thick and thin for the rest of my life. Now if Matthew was running around on me and going to bars and drinking every weekend without me when we were dating and throwing his money away, and I STILL married him, shame on me. I mean seriously. Ladies, you know better. You know how to read between the lines. It really all comes down to how much respect you have for yourself.

Another thing is, NEVER let your man tell you it's okay to bring a third party into your relationship or marriage. It's not okay. And it never will be. When you said your vows, you were only talking to one person. You can try to convince yourself that it's still a marriage after that, but the truth is it's not. He is no longer married to you. He is married to the idea of you and still getting to do whatever he wants.

There are very few couples who go through all of this and decide they need help, and want to change for the better and end up coming out on top together. My bottom line is, if you know you or your significant other is not ready for marriage, don't get married. It's that simple. Don't let yourselves tarnish the meaning of marriage. 

Keep it a Holy matrimony.

Keeping the Fire

So instead of a Mommy Monday tonight, since Valentine's Day is coming up this weekend, I wanted to talk a little bit about marriage.

Matthew & I have been surrounded by everything baby lately, which don't get us wrong we love, but now that Levi is 1, usually couples have to start getting out of the baby funk. Moms, you know what I mean. When your husband comes home from work and you never have make up on, still in your pjs, and all he wants to do is get in the shower and watch tv and go to bed anyway. That's when you know you're in a funk. So this past week I got a great haircut, new mascara (hallelujah, my addiction), new lipstick, and some new clothes. I have to admit I was still wearing some of my maternity jeans before... don't judge. They are just so comfortable.

Matthew & I took a little trip to eat at a local restaurant this past weekend and of course our after party was grocery shopping. However, it felt so good to just get dressed up and go eat. I really felt beautiful and accomplished to know that Matthew was feeling proud to have his wife back in flow of things, not that he doesn't always feel that way, but you know what I mean. I think every woman wants to feel like their husband wants to show them off, and I definitely felt like that. Matthew had told my sister that he misses our alone time, because let's face it, you don't get a lot of time to yourselves with a baby. Just hearing that he wants to spend quality time alone with me made me fall in love with him all over again. I'm seriously crushing on my husband lately, I know that's cheesy, but it's true. And it's perfect timing because of Valentine's Day.

Before, I was feeling very annoyed at times and easily irritated when Matthew would come home from work, because all I really cared about was finally getting a break to relax. I took him for granted. I even found myself praying to God that my fire and attraction would light up brighter than before for Matthew. Well... that prayer was answered. It's really easy to fall into a funk, and sometimes that's what ends a lot of marriages. When you have kids and the fire starts to die down, you have to find a way to spark it back up. For me, I just wanted to recap some of the things that made me fall in love with Matthew in the first place. He is just so handsome and kind hearted. Every time he goes to the store he gets something he thinks I'll like to surprise me. That really let's me know he is always thinking about me, and that plays a huge part in a marriage. I love that since we started dating we have always taken turns rubbing each others back, and to this day we still do that at least once a week. When you know you've found the person you're supposed to spend the rest of your days with, you will definitely long to find ways to keep the fire burning. Matthew & I love each other a lot, we just fit together like puzzle pieces and I love that about us. I'm going to continue to work on not taking our time together for granted just because I might be a little on edge, because... well I'm a woman. I love you Matthew :)

Have a great week everyone!

To Alexis

You were not what I was expecting when I walked into the salon yesterday evening. You were young and glowingly pregnant with a smile, and surprisingly easy to talk to. When you started asking about my son and were wanting advice about being a stay at home mom, and how nervous you were about child care, I knew we had some things in common. I told you about a church based daycare and you said your boyfriend didn't want anything super religious. Yet you proceeded to ask me the name of the program the church provides. Knowing that you were still interested in the daycare got my attention. I should've asked you then, but I felt like it might be offensive to some people. That's the moment I realized, God really does make plans. I wanted to ask you if you considered yourself religious, but I was afraid. I am always afraid to ask that question. There were so many things that you were asking about motherhood and breastfeeding, and I was shocked you didn't know some of the things I told you. I could see that you were so well put together and brave, yet your eyes were so full of curiosity and wonder. It was perfect timing, and of course someone like me would miss it.

A lot of believers wake up in the morning and pray that God lets them help someone that day. And most of the time we dismiss the fact that we are the ones who actually need the lesson. So even though I have a hard time finding the right way and words to ask about your faith, why should I let myself miss the opportunity to witness to you? It might take some time, but maybe that's the point. Make an impression and try again. When I said to God that I know I missed my chance today, I heard Him say, "Why are you giving up?" 

Suffice it to say, your story didn't go unnoticed with me.
Women like you, Alexis, are the reason I blog.

"And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased." -Hebrews 13:16

Cupcakes and a Sad Mommy...

Finally Mommy Monday is back!

These past few weeks have been so crazy for us! My computer finally crashed and I wasn't surprised because it's had a lot of issues, and I've had it since I was in high school. Good news is I got to upgrade to a Macbook Pro, I'm excited to get to play around with it and figure it out. I haven't had much time to take a break and write either, and to be honest I really didn't want to. Levi turned 1 on the 19th and that's been pretty hard on me. My brain is still trying to register that my tiny baby is not so tiny anymore, and I have been wanting to spend as much time with him as I can. We did a little cupcake smashing on his real birthday with some of his cousins. 

This is definitely a priceless first birthday family picture haha!

He was actually not impressed with the cupcakes, I'm kinda grateful for that. I didn't really want him to be a big sweet eater. He loves his vegetables, which I'm thankful for. We also had to start transitioning from baby food to finger foods which was hard for both of us. We had his birthday party the following Sunday, which was a success. We decided to go with the theme of Coca Cola Polar Bears.

I don't know why some women get the "baby blues" when their child is first born, I feel like I'm getting it now that his infant stage is done... It's been so hard for me to realize that his first year is over. I can honestly say I've loved every second of having a baby, I feel so privileged to be able to say I'm a Mommy. I can't imagine my life without Levi. Definitely feel like I was born to be his Mommy.

On a lighter note, Matthew & I managed to make it out of our first year as parents alive! It was a crazy, and sometimes exhausting ride but we did it together. I know this next year will have so many more lovely toddler things in store for us, ha.

Levi is really starting to develop his personality, let me tell you... he loves to just sit in the floor and preach to us. Sometimes he'll stand but he loves talking with his hands, and since he's still wobbly standing on his own, most of the time he'll be up on his knees and he'll talk for days. It's not like regular baby talk though, it really sounds like he's preaching and has something he really needs you to hear. He also makes the cutest facial expressions, and he continues to amaze me with how smart he's getting. He's been turning off light switches since he was around 4 or 5 months, and I think that really got his brain development going. He also loves to pretend he's reading, if you give him a magazine or a book he will really try to make you think he knows what it says. Although he hasn't started walking completely just yet I think he'll be a very smart boy. He's finally been saying mama! Hallelujah! The majority of the time it's still all about dada but I'm just glad he's finally saying it. There are so many firsts that happen in a child's first year and it has been a wonderful ride watching Levi grow. 

I know a lot of experienced parents want to put in their two cents with advice about the toddler years and that's wonderful, advice is always great, but I feel like it's really all about their attitude and personality. When some people approach you with input it almost seems like they are wishing the worst on you, you know what I mean? Like do they secretly despise me or something? It's almost as if they want to tell you, "I'm going to make you wish you never had children." Thank you! That's so sweet of you! Seriously, if someone pregnant asked me what it's like in a baby's first year, I would tell them the truth. Yes it's hard, but honestly it goes by so fast and it's over in the blink of an eye. When their first birthday comes around, you're going to wish you could go back to those nights with no sleep, rocking your tiny baby in your arms, and nursing him to sleep. I'm not going to say, "Oh you better rest up now, you won't sleep for 18 years!" Not true. Levi sleeps 11 to 12 hours at night, trust me, sleep will come. In the meantime, enjoy your baby. Soak up every second you can. And the next person who tries to give you crazy advice or tries to scare you, ask them, "Then why did you keep having kids if it's that bad?" I got a lot of grief in Levi's first year about not taking him out more and being social. I'm not going to apologize for that. I loved being home with my baby 24/7. Every parent gets to choose the way they want to spend their time and raise their child. They got their turn and now it's mine.

There's so much that I haven't gotten to blog about these past few weeks with no computer, so in the next few days I'm going to try my hardest to catch up!

Have a great week everyone!
xoxo

Friends Forever

I don't have an abundance of close friends. My closest friend right now I'd say is my sister Tosha. And of course I'm blessed to still have my best friends from grade school. Although we are separated by a few hours, we would still pick up and come to each others rescue for anything if asked. I have had my fair share of friends in between, but the friends you make when you're on the wrong path in your life, are very hard to keep by your side.

You can really distinguish between the good and the bad friends, when you decide you want to change who you've become. The good friends will still love you no matter what path you've chosen for your life. There might be some bumps along the way but they will never leave your side. They will accept you for who you are and respect you if you choose to change. They will tell you if you're clearly doing something wrong, but will always forgive you in the end. You can laugh with them for hours about absolutely nothing, and cry with them about everything. Bad friends tend to always pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. They talk you down to others, trying to build themselves up to look better (sometimes even in front of you). They encourage a lot of gossip. They lie and encourage you to lie with them, which then leads to them not believing you in serious situations or listening to your advice. They never forget your mistakes and bring them up every time the opportunity arises, and fail to remember any of theirs. In the end, being around a bad friend really encourages you to have a lot of built up resentment, which makes it hard to keep pursuing that bond.

I think we can all say we've had both good and bad friends, and we've also been the good and bad friend.

From my personal experience, to be friends with someone means that you not only have to be loyal, but that your heart has to be in the right place toward that person. Your personalities have to click, and you have to be willing to adapt and grow with them. If you're in a bad friend situation and you don't know if they would even be willing to discuss how to repair things, it's best to just let them go. And chances are it will be easier for you than for them. 

In today's society, people are very easily swayed and finding good friends that will be loyal and trusting is really hard. But don't be discouraged, I was actually lucky enough to still hang on to friendships even after very tough situations. It takes an amazing heart, a strong person, and good communication on both sides to overcome big obstacles. In a way, it's a lot like marriage. You have to be willing to let the immaturity fade from your life. Great friendships will last forever, but it takes effort and growing up.

"Do not be deceived: "Bad company ruins good morals"' 
-1 Corinthians 15:33