So I'm going to be honest with you tonight, I've been struggling a lot lately with patience... In all areas of my life. Sometimes I even get frustrated when Levi won't eat his food, he just wants to take it out of his mouth and play with it. These are moments I should be enjoying and playfully laughing at, but instead I've just been getting annoyed. I'm definitely aware of it, and I think Satan has been playing a big part in this, it's like he wants me so badly to snap out of control. I've been impatient with Matthew as well, but there's one thing that started this whole spiral...
Last year my mom got really sick in July with diverticulosis, and she battled with it until January of this year. I was so frustrated because I prayed and prayed and asked God to heal her but she just got sicker than before. I didn't understand it at all, and I'm not going to lie I got a little angry with God. But mostly just disappointed. Finally she was hospitalized for 5 days and we also found out she had more than just diverticulitis, and her potassium was dangerously low. When she was in the hospital getting better everyday, I asked God to forgive me for my impatience. I asked Him to make this time be the final time for healing, let it be what I've been praying for. I thanked Him for opening my eyes to see that this is what I'd been waiting for. I kept praying that my mom would see healing for a whole year, with no problems. Since that time she took a trip to Tennessee and stayed well the whole month she was gone, and she's been well ever since. God is beyond good.
If I just would've understood that I needed to have more patience there would've been no need for disappointment. God was working the whole time, but I was blind to see it. Now that Satan knows my weak spot, he's really been testing it lately, and I can feel it. At the same time, I'm thankful for God opening my eyes to awareness towards this problem so I can ask Him to help me. So I started by doing some sweet things for my husband, and asking God to redirect my heart back to joyfulness and love for this amazing life I live. Even when I was angry, God never left me, and he still healed my mom. This type of impatience can often ruin your walk with Christ, when you desperately need a prayer answered and it seems like nothing is happening. I read some great words on this subject from Max Lucado's book Before Amen, "Jesus will heal us all ultimately. Wheelchairs, ointments, treatments, and bandages are confiscated at the gateway to heaven. God's children will once again be whole." "He does not change in His character and purpose, but He does alter His strategy because of the appeals of His children."
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." -Philippians 4:6
"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." -Luke 11:9
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