Since writing the "High School & Second Chances" post, I've been asked a lot of questions about some of my experiences. I'm not going to go into depth about it because it brings up a lot of painful memories and emotions, also I don't want to make the people involved feel like I haven't forgiven them or forgiven myself. However, after talking with some friends and long conversations with God, I finally fully understand why I had to leave that town.
I absolutely adored my friends there. When my mom and stepdad told me I was going to have to leave for college, it was almost unbearable to think about leaving everyone behind. But my friends and I kind of had dysfunctional relationships. Two friends didn't believe in God at all, and one did but was still in the process of finding her way, as was I at that time. We were all friends but sometimes I felt like I didn't quite fit in. I got there in the middle of 5th grade, everyone already knew everybody and had time to grow up with them, and I just always felt like the odd one out I guess. In my mind I was their close friend but in my heart I felt like there was always a gap.
I had a lot of humiliating things happen in high school, and sometimes my friends would laugh along with everyone else and kind of make me feel like I never belonged. We didn't always get along. It was a very bumpy ride, and I'm so different now from that girl I was before. I've grown so much in my walk with Christ. I feel like God separated me because He wanted me to go through some things on my own and grow closer to Him as a result. It it so hard to maintain a Christ-like heart and mind if you spend a lot of time around people who don't think like that. It's not only hard for you, it's hard for your church to trust your judgement. I think that's why it was so hard for me in high school, I had my friends and then I had my church family. And as a result, I was never really all in with God.
It has come to my realization that it's the time to let go and move forward. At this point in my life I am undoubtedly all in for God, and will always be. I've had time to grow and come into a place of so much understanding about The Word of God and His plans for our family. Most importantly though, God has shown me things I never thought He would open my eyes to, and with that comes a higher responsibility to obedience and love for His every word, wholeheartedly. I will always love all my friends, and they will always be in my heart and in my prayers.
I'm so thankful for God giving me peace and understanding about where I'm at in this point of my life. I'm so excited for the new adventures and beginnings our family is about to experience with our church home. Of course I can't forget I'm also thrilled about where God is taking me with this blog! I never thought in a million years it would take off like it has. Thank you to all my loyal readers for your support! I know this is only the beginning and I'm so excited for what's to come!
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