For As Long As I Have Breath

As I lay here next to my son as he's sleeping, I can't help but pray. I pray over him every night. I pray for his future, for his future wife, his future children, his heart and his mind as he grows. That The Lord will guide him all the days of his life.

And as all of the distorted things going on in our country right now ingulf our minds and dictate our conversations, I pray. I pray over all of it. It was when I was praying, that I first had the incredible experience of physically feeling The Holy Spirit in my heart. That's why I can say I'm 200% sure I become the most powerful in God when I'm praying. Sometimes I get lost in time when I pray, two hours could fly by and I'm still talking to God (1Thessalonians 5:17). God hears our prayers, He heals people, He does miracles through us and sometimes we don't even realize it or take the time to thank Him. Since I had Levi I've become so much more aware of God's presence around me. He is for me, He's not against me (Romans 8:31). I can feel Him constantly wanting to make me stronger in Him, wanting me to seek Him in everything I do throughout the day. In my opinion, what Satan fears most from us is prayer. It's like we almost become untouchable when we're praying to God. 

There are consequences for our actions, but when we pray we are opening up the door to God's mercy and grace over our lives. Honestly, I pray that God will have mercy on our country. We have turned so far away from where we started, we started out with a Christian foundation and now our eyes and ears are being closed to it.

I pray for all of our impressionable teens and youth that are getting sucked into worldly ways, because they are being told it's acceptable through the media. That's why I pray for my son, that his spiritual vision won't be blurred no matter what someone tries to seep into his mind. And I pray for me and Matthew. That we will be given the wisdom and knowledge to raise Levi up to know God. And know how to answer all his questions to the best of our ability. 

Right now I want to ask you to pray. Pray for our country, our leaders, our youth. Pray for Nepal. Baltimore. Strength to fight Isis. Start praying now for our upcoming election next year. For the young people sitting at their computers watching Bruce Jenner's interview and becoming confused. Becoming lukewarm.

Pray.


"Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!" -Psalms 116:2

With Love,

Does James 3:1 apply to my blog?

"Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly." -(James 3:1 NIV)

In no way, shape or form do I consider myself a teacher. Although, I am one, only to my son. 

This question has been popping up a lot, so I figured I'd dive in and answer it to the best of my ability for my readers. My blog is not about trying to teach anyone anything. My goal for this blog is for it to be my life testimony, to not only my readers, but for myself and my son, when he gets old enough to understand everything about Jesus. I try very hard to be as honest and real as I can in my writings, so it gives everyone something to relate to and let's people know that we all make mistakes, we're human. We make mistakes every day. I try to be as encouraging as I can and let people see that the light at the end of my tunnel, is God. It will always be God. 

Sometimes I'll write something and someone will say, "Why did you put that on there? That's not right." We will continue to have a discussion about it and I'll talk to God about it and look it up in scripture, and I'll change it if I feel like God is prompting me to. And yes I will have to be held accountable for every word on here before God, but the point is for me to be able to grow in this as well. I want to be honest about my development in my Christian life, and what I feel God is saying to me. I'm not going to change something just because someone doesn't agree. This is a Christian blog and that means I do talk about Jesus, I do talk about The Bible, it's what my life revolves around. It's not against the law so I'm all about it! 

There are a ton of blogs out there that have Christian women/men behind them, but some are about fashion, food, their kids, there's even blogs that help you start a blog. They are all wonderful and inspiring, but that's not my purpose. I feel that God is the most important one in my life, and He deserves as much attention and love as possible from everything I do... So here I am. I am not a teacher, I'm not a counselor, I'm not a life coach, but I will tell you about Jesus and how much he's transformed my life through these pages.

With Love,

Wait Patiently for Him

So I'm going to be honest with you tonight, I've been struggling a lot lately with patience... In all areas of my life. Sometimes I even get frustrated when Levi won't eat his food, he just wants to take it out of his mouth and play with it. These are moments I should be enjoying and playfully laughing at, but instead I've just been getting annoyed. I'm definitely aware of it, and I think Satan has been playing a big part in this, it's like he wants me so badly to snap out of control. I've been impatient with Matthew as well, but there's one thing that started this whole spiral...

Last year my mom got really sick in July with diverticulosis, and she battled with it until January of this year. I was so frustrated because I prayed and prayed and asked God to heal her but she just got sicker than before. I didn't understand it at all, and I'm not going to lie I got a little angry with God. But mostly just disappointed. Finally she was hospitalized for 5 days and we also found out she had more than just diverticulitis, and her potassium was dangerously low. When she was in the hospital getting better everyday, I asked God to forgive me for my impatience. I asked Him to make this time be the final time for healing, let it be what I've been praying for. I thanked Him for opening my eyes to see that this is what I'd been waiting for. I kept praying that my mom would see healing for a whole year, with no problems. Since that time she took a trip to Tennessee and stayed well the whole month she was gone, and she's been well ever since. God is beyond good.

If I just would've understood that I needed to have more patience there would've been no need for disappointment. God was working the whole time, but I was blind to see it. Now that Satan knows my weak spot, he's really been testing it lately, and I can feel it. At the same time, I'm thankful for God opening my eyes to awareness towards this problem so I can ask Him to help me. So I started by doing some sweet things for my husband, and asking God to redirect my heart back to joyfulness and love for this amazing life I live. Even when I was angry, God never left me, and he still healed my mom. This type of impatience can often ruin your walk with Christ, when you desperately need a prayer answered and it seems like nothing is happening. I read some great words on this subject from Max Lucado's book Before Amen, "Jesus will heal us all ultimately. Wheelchairs, ointments, treatments, and bandages are confiscated at the gateway to heaven. God's children will once again be whole." "He does not change in His character and purpose, but He does alter His strategy because of the appeals of His children." 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." -Philippians 4:6

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." -Luke 11:9

I Will Carry You With Me

Since writing the "High School & Second Chances" post, I've been asked a lot of questions about some of my experiences. I'm not going to go into depth about it because it brings up a lot of painful memories and emotions, also I don't want to make the people involved feel like I haven't forgiven them or forgiven myself. However, after talking with some friends and long conversations with God, I finally fully understand why I had to leave that town. 

I absolutely adored my friends there. When my mom and stepdad told me I was going to have to leave for college, it was almost unbearable to think about leaving everyone behind. But my friends and I kind of had dysfunctional relationships. Two friends didn't believe in God at all, and one did but was still in the process of finding her way, as was I at that time. We were all friends but sometimes I felt like I didn't quite fit in. I got there in the middle of 5th grade, everyone already knew everybody and had time to grow up with them, and I just always felt like the odd one out I guess. In my mind I was their close friend but in my heart I felt like there was always a gap.

I had a lot of humiliating things happen in high school, and sometimes my friends would laugh along with everyone else and kind of make me feel like I never belonged. We didn't always get along. It was a very bumpy ride, and I'm so different now from that girl I was before. I've grown so much in my walk with Christ. I feel like God separated me because He wanted me to go through some things on my own and grow closer to Him as a result. It it so hard to maintain a Christ-like heart and mind if you spend a lot of time around people who don't think like that. It's not only hard for you, it's hard for your church to trust your judgement. I think that's why it was so hard for me in high school, I had my friends and then I had my church family. And as a result, I was never really all in with God.

It has come to my realization that it's the time to let go and move forward. At this point in my life I am undoubtedly all in for God, and will always be. I've had time to grow and come into a place of so much understanding about The Word of God and His plans for our family. Most importantly though, God has shown me things I never thought He would open my eyes to, and with that comes a higher responsibility to obedience and love for His every word, wholeheartedly. I will always love all my friends, and they will always be in my heart and in my prayers.

I'm so thankful for God giving me peace and understanding about where I'm at in this point of my life. I'm so excited for the new adventures and beginnings our family is about to experience with our church home. Of course I can't forget I'm also thrilled about where God is taking me with this blog! I never thought in a million years it would take off like it has. Thank you to all my loyal readers for your support! I know this is only the beginning and I'm so excited for what's to come!

"Trust Me" (2 Part Post)

Part 1

I love having a blog, not just to inspire others, but to keep inspiring myself. I feel like not only does God use it to help others grow but to continue to help me grow as well. 

There was this one evening last year I decided I wanted to go get one of those half price shakes from Sonic, my addiction to those is a problem... Well I knew I had to hurry because a huge storm was on its way, but of course I thought I still had some time so I decided I'd get my shake and go into town to the bookstore to pick up this book I had been wanting to read for a while. The sky looked so bold and beautiful with storm clouds rolling in, and I was driving on a bridge up kind of high so I could really see everything. I whispered to God that I would love to see the storm and all it's might... I didn't think He would actually hear a tiny little prayer like that. Oh but He did. I was just like ten minutes away from the bookstore and when I got to the road it was on, the storm had hit in a split second. I had to make a u-turn into an Olive Garden parking lot, at which I saw trash cans and huge tree limbs blowing across the road. Golfball size hail, and wind like I've never seen it. I was barely able to find the Olive Garden parking lot due to the wind and rain making it hard to see and it was only seconds away from where I was. Plus the car in front of me had completely stopped in the middle of the road so I had to find my way around him. When it finally died down, I thought it was over so I still drove to the bookstore but their power was out. On my way home it was getting dark fast due to more rain clouds coming in, and another storm was coming at a fast pace. So round two came. God doesn't take prayer lightly. Two crazy storms I drove in all in one day, by this time I thought I was going into shock, literally. Now that my vision has gotten so much worse as I've gotten a little bit older, I can't see good at night anymore. I was balling my eyes out and thought I was going to die from hyperventilation. I said out loud, "Jesus please carry me home and get me back to my son and husband." I kept repeating this over and over. I felt His presence and was compelled to glance over at the passenger seat and although it was empty to my eyes, I felt in my heart it wasn't really empty.

These past couple of days, I've been forgetting about moments like this. With everything that's been going on in my life, I've been hearing nothing but encouraging words from my family and friends. But even with the uplifting comments, I've still felt alone. I kept asking God to show me if what I'm doing is the right thing. So when I got up to sing for our Easter Sunday service at church, I had to hold back tears because I was so overwhelmed by His presence. It's Satan who wants me to feel like I've been alone in this, and it's Satan who wants me to stop and love the ways of the world. God loves me so much and He's for me. He fights my every battle, so I don't have to. He saw my face when He was in excruciating pain on the cross, dying... He will never stop pursuing me.

So a couple nights ago I was doing my Bible reading and I prayed to God again and asked Him to show me if I should keep going with my blog despite negative feedback... and as I was reading I felt God really speaking to me and loving on me, so much that I felt His hands on my face and I heard the words, "Trust me." I couldn't help but break into tears... He had answered my prayer. I guess I always thought to myself that I would never have a problem with negativity or nonbelievers, that was a really ridiculous thought. Of course you'll be tested and questioned, for some reason I just wanted to remain oblivious.

Just because people of this world make you feel bad about yourself or make you feel like you're a failure doesn't mean it's true, and it sure doesn't mean that's how God sees you. Through all of this I've been trying to fight by myself, but really I've just needed to let go and let God take over this for me. He knows our hearts, and He knows the hearts of others that hurt us. That's all that matters. God is a just God. He will fight for you. As human beings we don't always use the right approach or the right words because we're imperfect, and when someone tries to break our spirit, of course we immediately want to retaliate. We are all guilty of it. But there's a reason He opens and closes doors in our lives, and whatever the reason, I'm always going to trust Him and keep on going.

Just want to share some great words I read recently as inspiration:

Not taking a side on issues means to take a side. To decide it is a matter of indifference is to risk having Jesus against you. Read the description of Christ in Revelation 1 and consider if you would ever want to risk that Jesus being against you. -Pastor Sam Allberry

Part 2

Easter Pictures!